| U medjuvremenu vidi ovo 
Teletabis-i
Ova misteriozna vrsta
je još uglavnom nepoznata današnjoj nauci, a razlog za to je njihova
nepristupačnost (može se naći jedino u nekim dijelovima Kanade, sjevernofričkim
ravnicama i u centru grada Bristola, Engleska).
Izgled
Teletabisi su tipično visoki oko 1,2 do 1,6 metara i humanoidni su. Boja im je
različita, ali je uvijek drečeća. Pokreti su im nespretni - slični onima kod male
osobe u odjeći koja ih jako sputava.
Svi Teleabisi imaju kranijalnu izraslinu koja strši
vertikalno i kod različitih primjeraka može jako varirati po obliku i veličini. Svrha
joj je neizvjesna (nejasna) ali je vidjeno da svjetluca kad se aktivira abdominalni
televizor, što je neke stručnjake navelo da spekuliraju da se tu radi o nekom obliku
prijemnog aparata.
Teletabisi se takodje mogu identifikovati pomoću neprekidnog, beskrajnog, potoka (bujice)
besmislica što im izlaze iz usta. Medjutim, ne preporučuje se identifikacija samo
na osnovu ovog kriterija, jer postoji mogučnost da se pobrkaju sa voditeljem Jutarnje TV
(GMTV - Good Morning TV), koji se naziva Homo Glupandis (Homo Moronis).
Društvena struktura
Teletabisi tipično žive u zajedničkim nastambama u grupama od po četiri člana. Medju
raznim grupama nisu opažene nikakve porodične veze i za svaku se grupu čini da su
izolovane od ostalih grupa, pa čak i od ostatka svijeta. Ovaj ograničeni rezervoar gena
može donekle objasniti ponašanje današnjih Teletabisa.
Teletabisi (izgleda) preferiraju da obitavaju medju brojnim, blagim, uzlazno-silaznim
brežuljcima vrlo čudnog izgleda.
Obično se u blizini njihovih nastambi (staništa) mogu pronaći kolonije zečeva - odnos
zečeva i Teletabisa nije poznat. Pored ovoga, u blizini neke nastambe Teletabisa
nailazimo na znatno pojačanu učestalost loših specijalnih efekata (u smislu filmskih
trikova) načinjenih na kompjuterima. U blizini stanista Teletabisa nikada ne pada kiša.
Staništa Teletabisa su šturo namještena (opremljena namještajem); imaju jedan sto i
izvjestan broj malih kreveta. Oni se služe nekim uznapredovalim oblikom tehnlologije
iskrivljenja prostora čime se omogućava da interijer - unutrašnjost bude u znatnoj
mjeri veći od eksterijera-vanskog.
Anatomija
Vrsta zvana Teletabisi je, možda, jedinstvena u životinjskom carstu - to je jedina znana
vrsta opremljena u potpunosti funkcionalnom audio - vizuelnom opremom integrisanom u
njihovo tijelo.
U abdominalnom području imaju televizijski ekran, a negdje blizu površine kože mora da
su sakriveni zvučnici. Audio-vizuelni sistem je u stanju da emituje pokazanu sekvencu kad
mu se putem glasa naredi 'opet - ponovo'). Nije nikad primiječeno da su upotrebljene bilo
kakve druge komande-zapovijesti.
Čini se da je sadržaj emisija prilično prost, jednostavan i isformulisan, ali
Teletabisi naročito uživaju u tome da ih gledaju po dva puta.
Reklo bi se da u jednom trenutku u bilo kojoj pojedinacnoj grupi Teletabisa može biti
aktivan samo jedan ekran. Čini se da Teletabis čiji je ekran u tom času aktivan u
opštem pogledu doživljava zadovoljstvo, što je čudno s obzirom da dotični Teletabis, gledajući ekran pod oštrim uglom (kutom) ili naopako, u stvari ima
najgori pogled u čitavoj grupi. (R.B. komentar-Razmislite o ovom crvenom tekstu).
Druga uočljiva anatomska karaktristika ide
niz gornju polovicu zadnje strane Teletabisovog torza: reklo bi se da se radi o nekoj
napravi tipa zipa (rajferšlusa). Njena svrha je nejasna i nije nikad vidjeno da se
njome koristi.
Društveno ponašanje
Teletabiji su vrlo druželjubiva bića i reklo bi se da se ne bave nikakvom drugom
funkcijom ili akcijom osim rekreacije-odmora-igranja.
Uobičajene društvene aktivnosti Teletabisa sastoje se od igranja loptama ili skuterima
(motorima), izvodjenjem vrlo koreografiranih plesnih rutina ili gaženjem po nevinim
začevima.
Reprodukcija - razmnožavanje
Iako su često goli, Teletabisi nemaju nikakvih vidljivih polnih organa i reklo bi se da
nema nikakvog načina da im se vizuelno odredi pol.
Medjutim, slično stanju stvari kod ljudskih bića, reklo bi se da imaju dva pola, ali
nije atipično za Teletabisa jednog pola da se ponaša i postupa na načine koji bi
ljudska bića protumačila kao čudne za taj dotični pol. Primijećeno je da jedan
Teletabis muškog pola otvoreno nosi žensku tašnu i da se
potajno bavi aranžiranjem cvijeća i da nosi žensko rublje.
Nikada nije vidjen stvarni akt razmnožavanja Teletabisa, iako je zabilježeno nekoliko
rituala parenja, spajanja. Uobičajen i čest način je da dva Teletabisa trče jedno
prema drugom i da se sudare u vazduhu-zraku. Nije poznato značenje ovog rituala.
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In the mean time see this
Teletubby (Tubbis tele)
This mysterious species is still largely unknown to modern science,
due to its inaccessibility (it is only found in certain parts of Canada, the north African
plains and Bristol city centre).
Appearance
Teletubbies are typically around 1.2 - 1.6 metres tall, and humanoid. Coloration is
varied, but always garish. Movement is clumsy - similar to that of a small person in a
highly restrictive outfit.
All Teletubbies have a cranial protrusion that extends
vertically and can vary widely in shape and size between different specimens. Its purpose
is uncertain but it has been seen to glow on activation of the abdominal television,
leading some experts to speculate that it is some form of signal receiving apparatus.
Teletubbies can also be identified by the
unending stream of nonsense emerging from their mouths. Identification on this criterion
alone, however, is not recommended, as there is a possibility of confusion with the GMTV
presenter (Homo moronis).
Social Structure
Teletubbies typically live in groups of four in a communal dwelling. No family connections
have been observed within groups and each group seems to be totally isolated from other
groups and, indeed, from the rest of the world. This restricted gene pool goes some way to
explaining the behaviour of modern Teletubbies.
The preferred environment for a Teletubby dwelling is among many gentle, undulating and
very strange looking hillocks.
Colonies of rabbits are usually to be found
near the dwelling - the relationship between these and the Teletubbies is not known. Also,
near a Teletubby residence there seems to be a much greater incidence of poor
computer-generated special effects. It never rains near a Teletubby dwelling.
Teletubby residences are sparsely furnished, with one table and a number of small beds.
They utilise some form of advanced spatial distorting technology enabling the interior to
be significantly larger than the exterior.
Anatomy
The Teletubby species is perhaps unique in the animal kingdom - it is the only known
species with a fully functional audio-visual hardware system integrated into the body.
There is a television screen in the abdominal
area, and somewhere near the surface of the skin there must be concealed speakers. The
audio-visual system is capable of replaying a previously shown sequence upon the voice
command 'again'. No other commands have been seen to be used.
The content of the transmissions appears to be fairly bland and formulaic, but Teletubbies
derive obvious pleasure from watching it twice.
It seems that only one screen can be active at a time in any Teletubby group. The
Teletubby whose screen is active at that time generally seems to experience pleasure,
which is strange because that Teletubby, looking at the screen from
a sharp angle and upside down, has the worst view of the group. (R.B. comment-Think about
red text).
Another prominent anatomical feature runs down the top half of the rear of the Teletubby
torso: it appears to be some form of zip fastening device. Its purpose is unknown and it
has never been seen to be used.
Social Behaviour
Teletubbies are highly social creatures that seem to perform no function or action except recreation. Common Teletubby
social activities include playing with balls or scooters, executing highly choreographed
dance routines, or trampling innocent rabbits.
Reproduction
Teletubbies, although frequently naked, have no visible sexual organs, and indeed there
seems to be no way to ascertain gender visually. However, as with humans, there do seem to
be two genders, but it is not atypical for a Teletubby of one sex to act in ways humans
would interpret as strange for that sex. One male Teletubby has been observed openly
carrying a women's handbag, and in secret indulges in flower arranging and wearing women's
undergarments.
The actual act of Teletubby procreation has never been observed, although several mating
rituals have been recorded. A common one involves two Teletubbies running towards each
other, then colliding in mid-air. The significance of this ritual is
unknown.
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Hrana
Čini se da svi do sada posmatrani Teletabisi unose u organizam (gutaju) supstancu poznatu
pod imenom 'tabitost' (tubbytoast), koji im uvijek proizvodi
mašina u staništu grupe. Nije jasno kako je grupa opstala (ostala u životu - živjela -
preživljavala) priije pronalaska mašine-stroja koja proizvodi tabitost, niti se zna ko
je izumitelj dotične mašine. (Sama mašina je poprilično interesantna. Posjeduje
zapanjujuću osobinu, karakteristiku, da je u stanju da lansira, izbaci, tabitost direktno
uvis a da ga ipak pokrene više metara horizontalno da sleti na tanjir Teletabisa.
Jedina druga supstanca koju Teletabisi jedu poznata je pod imenom 'tabi
puding' (tubbycustard), koju opet proizvodi - daje - mašina -stroj i koju oni
unose u organizam putem savijene-svinute, vitičaste, slamke koja im služi i kao
posuda za otpadke (ovakvo bi rješenje moglo da donese uštede u vezi sa čisćenjem kad
ovakav oblik ne bi u stvari u velikoj mjeri otežavao pranje
Isključivo oslanjanje vrste Teletabisa na mašine za opstanak predstavlja, reklo bi se,
kratkovidu karakteristiku. U situaciji u kojoj bi nastupio kvar kod mašine, ta grupa
teletabisa bi ubrzo gladovala do smrti ili bi umrla od žedji. Eksperti su spekulirali o
drugim, dodatnim, izvorima ishrane i slažu se oko sljedečih dodatnih objašnjenja - vodu
uzimaju kroz mikroskopske-tank sudove za tečnost u stopalima, u tabanima, čime se
objašnjava misteriozno ponašanje Teletabisa kad se brčkaju u baricama; ovo je često
primiječeno. I još jedan dodatni izvor ishrane jesu debeli, mirni, zečevi koji se
uglavnom nalaze u blizini staništa Teletabisa - a njih bi Teletabisi klali i proždirali
bez ikakvog napora uopšte. |
Food
All Teletubbies currently observed seem to ingest a substance known as 'tubbytoast', which is always provided by means of a machine in the
group's dwelling. It is not clear how the species survived before the machine that makes
tubbytoast was invented, or indeed who invented it. (The machine itself is rather
interesting. It has the amazing property of being able to launch tubbytoast
vertically upwards, and yet propel it several metres horizontally to land on a Teletubby's
plate.)
The only other substance Teletubbies eat is known as 'tubbycustard',
again provided by a machine, and ingested through a curly straw which doubles as a
receptacle (a design which would save on cleaning if it were not for the fact that the
object's shape makes it very difficult to wash).
The reliance of the Teletubby species solely on machines for survival would seem to be a
short-sighted trait. In a situation where
one machine broke down a group of Teletubbies would rapidly starve to death or die of
thirst. Experts have speculated other sources of nourishment and agreed on the following
alternative explanations - water is taken in through microscopic vessels on the soles of
the feet, explaining the mysterious behaviour of Teletubbies splashing in puddles which
has been frequently observed. And an alternative source of food is provided by the fat,
docile rabbits usually found near Tubby dwellings - which a Teletubby could slaughter and
devour with no effort whatsoever. |